Enough to say I have been fat all my life despite having been on lots of weight loss programmes, and a regular member of Slimming World since 2012. I weigh now more than when I started, and yet I know it works. I've seen friends shrink before my very eyes - and yet I just mess around losing and then gaining even more. When I lose, I do it in style - 6.5 lbs in a week last time, and then the following week gained 7.5lbs - that was on Wednesday before Christmas Eve, so there's no hope for me this week, unless I can manage to maintain. In fact, despite all my best intentions, I'm not expecting a loss until I weigh in on Jan 13th, because this week we have the Christmas binging to deal with and next week the results of the New Year partying. I can promise myself 'on plan when you can' and 'one meal at a time' but I just push self destruct and fill my face.
Today, with the house to myself, husband away, I didn't get up till 1.15 , had a banana feeling all good and on plan... then bacon on a huge white t-cake followed by Christmas cake, and more Christmas cake, and more until I had eaten the full cake - when I am asked where has all the cake gone I am going to say I took it to the olds folks home for my dad and his friends. Tea was 8 mini spring rolls, 2 pork steaks on white bread and some yoghurt. Rubbish rubbish rubbish. I have penty of on-plan food i the cupboards and could have made soup.
Tomorrow I am going to get my act together. I don't want to be this big anymore. I can't climb the stairs, in fact I can't walk on flat ground without having to take my inhaler - I daren't go out without it now. Starting a new job I couldn't keep pace with the lady who was showing me round. Walking around Benidorm last month was so hard I was almost tempted to hire a mobility scooter - I have derided people who hire them as lazy yet I was starting to see the benefits. My ankles are swollen most of the time now and I have awful bingo wings. I avoid cameras and if anyone shows me a photo of myself I look to the side of it rather than face the reality. And yet it's a time in my life when we should be taking lots of photos - I have a new granddaughter - the photo I had taken holding her when she was born is horrible and I want her to say she doesn't recognise that as being the grandma she knew. I got down on the floor to play with her last night and it hurt -my stomach muscles hurt and I felt I was bouncing on it. It took me five minutes to dare myself to get up. I'm the same in the bath - I can't get out if I sit down.
I don't want to be this size anymore so I intend to lose half of me. I weigh 313lbs - I intend to 157lbs - probably not this time next year but certainly acheivable for the year after. All I have to do is stay on the plan just like all my friends who have shrunk before my eyes in the last few years. And when I get to where I want to be I will tell the world where I was today. Until then keeping this blog will be my therapy
